Memorial

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Can you believe

That in the totality of my existence

There are moments of disconnection

Distractions

When I forget Gods name

The One permitted my lungs to breathe

Dragging air in and out of my being

And in those distractions

I seemingly crack the code

Finding life’s meaning

Turning to the mirror to look inward;

In those moments

Of disconnection

In the deepest discord

I look to my job;

My money, my family, my lovers

Searching for my muse

Beautiful distractions, are they not?

But distractions are distractions

Please tell me,

What fool looks at the stars and says,

“Yes! This is worthy of all my worship and devotion”

For who’s the creator of the stars?

And what romantic looks at another person,

And says;

“I can’t live without you. I will die without you”

I’m sorry

If there is one thing life continuously shows me

Again and again

I can exist without money, clothing, shelter

But I can not- for the life of me

Exist without The One

Loving me

Nurturing me

Providing for me

In the deepest parts of me

The greatest love story there will ever be

The One and me

The Healer

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They call her the savior

A curse derived from childhood

Marked by her upbringing

Where she was everyone’s sunshine

She is the psychologist

The knower, the healer

Intelligent, wise

Able to solve problems

To fix pieces, mend hearts

She is the salve that one puts on their scars;

The Band-Aid a young child places on their injury;

The stitches that hold together flesh;

The molecules that bind to form cells

Do you know the curse of a healer?

The one that seeks to heal even in the midst of their own suffering?

The selfless act of empathy

Of compassion

Of relating

Or perhaps enmeshment

Struggling to release binds

To release ties

Placing boundaries to save oneself

If you understand the curse of the healer, then…

Who heals the healer?

How can she be saved?

If she’s the one doing the saving,

I suppose,

Her salve;

Her band-aid;

Her medicine

Lies somewhere in between silence

A cup of tea, a pen, and paper,

Prayer,

and time

As it etches on, memories fading into nothingness

Her purification deriving from destruction

Like the Phoenix whom burns itself to ashes

Only to rise anew, relishing in the purity of rebirth

Do you know the miracle of the healer?

Where depths are welcome

Death loses its horror

And suffering is her rebirth

In Stillness with The One

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At times–

I’m not sure how I get there,

Unsure of where I end

Or where He begins

I just know that He lies inside

Waiting to be discovered

In truth: He is a part of me

And I, derived from Him

There is no separation–

There is no loss

In the midst of quiet

Or as the birds continue chirping,

the rustling of the wind through leaves,

tree’s that sustain my being

I breathe in heavens air

Attaining the smallest taste of The One

Filled with awe and amazement–

My ego is stunned, only able to whisper

“I know. I worship. I love,

Know. Worship. Love

Knowing. Worshiping. Love”

God. The One. The Truth.

That moment when I settle into my being

And my heart is filled to its contents

My eyes, wet with tears

Filled with ease, joy, and love

All I can taste on the flesh of my lips

The One. The One. The One.

At times

I swear… I’m astounded that I’m allowed to get here

When I’m not sure where I end

Or where He begins

All I know;

All I worship;

All I love;

The One–

For in you is where I find my remembrance

The Greatest Gift of All

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This morning as I sat in my bed

I reflected upon what I wanted to ask of God;

Made a list of things to inquire

Boy, was my mind filled with glee at the things I longed to have

“God, deliver to me a car–black, shiny and beautiful

Or perhaps flowers…yeah, a lush and abundant garden,

filled with herbs, vegetables, and fruit of diverse assortment

Oh God, bring me a wondrous family!

Connections and intimacy flowing with love, laughter, and divinity

Though wait…what of my job?

Oh yes, please give me a career that I LOVE

Receiving wealth through my creations!”

And as the list carries on and on

I know by His infinite abundance and Mercy– He gives

But satisfaction evades me

Even after receiving what I prayed for

So…a new list is made: this time longer, more specific

Nevertheless, The One gives

For He is the one who hears and replies with bounty

And still, satisfaction escapes me

Have I asked for too much?

Maybe I did not ask for the right things?

Spent with exhaustion and confusion

I lay on the ground, basking in stillness

Letting my ego wander as it creates bigger lists,

Images of what may satisfy me

Releasing tension and exhaustion

Breathing through each spent muscle

Finally, she stills

A small voice whispers “…Are you there?”

“This life is full of glitter and gold,

And while The One is The best of givers, The most Compassionate

I truly long for contentment,

Ease, love and peace”

Things are things and can be stolen

Sold, cheapened or broken

But peace is acquired,

A gift that can be experienced in any circumstance;

In poverty, richness, aloneness or company

A gift that many of us lack,

Misunderstand or comprehend how to attain

So, The One…

Thank you for all that you have given

Thank you for continuing to give

I am humbled, full of gratitude

Today, I do not desire objects that only exaggerate emptiness

But for the endowment of true knowing,

Unwavering peace of mind,

Purity of heart,

And most importantly– ease

The home in which all hearts truly seek

The Seekers Journey

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There is much beauty in this world

The clear, blue sky, clouds as they assemble-

stars & connecting constellations

Yet, my heart can’t help but ponder

“Who is the Master of it all?”

We’ve searched for eons

Destroying cities, dissecting books

Gazing into the eyes of suitors, coming up with no answers

We search and search

Until we abandon our quest

And the meaning escapes us

Frustrated with longing,

now cheated into a deep stupor

We were created to be adaptable

To endure,

To grow and build our tolerance,

And comprehend that time is fleeting

Understand that suffering is a choice

And, ultimately, peace is our goal

We are finite

Malleable

Constantly changing

But the one thing has never changed

Across time, space and dimensions

Amidst the rustling of our souls, restless

Eager to get back home

Weary of enduring the fog

Of being a character in this video game

With faith and timidity, she inquires

“Where is purification?”

“Where is rest?”

“We need ease and relief…its all we’ve been yearning for”

As time passes and the search endures

The seeker gains insight into what she has been hunting

The answers which she seeks lie in hearts endowed with purity

For remembrance is and will always be our home

So purge yourself of illusions

Delusions, doubt

Lies and deceit

Then fly up to the heavens

Our home, the beginning, and the end-

Our divine birthright