Awakening the Wild Woman

As many times as I’d died, you think I’d be used to this feeling of rebirth. As I step into this new role, perhaps ancient identity—I find myself expanding in ways the physical eye cannot perceive.

I’d never enjoyed the idea of shrinking myself; of being quiet or silenced; of being docile and meek. Being raised by women daring to run against the grain to return to her nature, I’d been a witness to the unfolding process of the wild woman; as she leaves all that she has known to seek the bounty of the divine.

Marveling at the wild woman, I still feared her solitude as I captured her shadow, the isolation solidifying her lack of trust, turning one’s heart cold and speech bitter. The world shamed her for her lack of submission to patriarchal standards, maiming her an outcast of undeveloped community. She was ostracized, and in her exile was forced to nurture light in the midst of darkness. Her nature always frightened me– the threat of loneliness fastening tightly to my neck, going against my nomadic, communal nature. I ran away from the wild woman even as she beckoned me to a quiet patio to write tales of the divine, placing my forehead upon Gods plentiful earth, crooning in the arms of her bitter shadow until I was forced to see her beauty. Its amazing how stubbornly we run from that which we know can save us.

In calling in her archetype, I honor the nature of who I’ve always been and allow myself to step into the simple authenticity of being me. Peeling away each layer of identity underneath, I discover primal essence and return to the spiritual nature derived from God’s very breath. And in that moment, I realized that the wild woman was only called so because she had the courage the break loose of ego’s chains and do what everyone swore they could not.

Return to heaven by setting herself free.

This is the reopening of the journey of the wild woman.

xx Heaven

Surrendering to Liminal Space

–
liminal space
the “in between”
that moment when waiting for a call
but signals never quite picks up
or perhaps the dial tone rings
reminding you of words you’d wish you’d said
now never to be uttered
it’s the space of nothingness
yet holding each possibility
feet aching over journeys traveled
then noticing the road’s spiraled into a dense river
with no boat to cross
its that moment before the ending
right after the climax
when all that is heard is steady beating in chests
cramping in their stomach
shoulders hijacked toward the crown
sweet, perchance detrimental anticipation
time truly seems to pause in the liminal
steady whispers of “haven’t you been here before?”
“are you excited to see what happens next,”
“or does it haunt you?”
battles unwon but not quite defeated
the waiting game birthing unease,
impatience,
anxiety
in liminal space
that feeling of lack of control
trying to hold on to yesterdays memories
as a means of predicting tomorrow
its like grasping sand between tense fingers
the tiniest shards cutting into subtle skin
insignificant pebbles marking impressionable membranes
only to see its flight thorough diminutive passageways
i suppose this lesson has never been easy
even in quiet moments of recognition
im aware all of the secrets of the universe slip beyond what feeble minds could grasp
if it could grasp anything at all
with a Creator so expansive
so wise, All-Knowing
i suppose all the best surprises are first kept secret
in letting go of the need to predict
trusting infinite wisdom
settling into lifes deaths
i suppose i still am getting accustomed
to breathing in the stillness of liminal space

Xx Heaven

Loves Awakening Through Systemic Oppression

In the throes of a public health crisis, political militia, racial, social and economic injustice; the first half of 2020 has been admittedly nightmarish. Getting a clear look into the condition of the “elites” consciousness, civil rights and humanity, we arrive at the solemn conclusion of the spiritual death of Western culture. While not novel or surprising, it would be imprudent to discount the importance of mindful disconnection and reflection. When we are able to nurture a healthy balance between tuning into our inner joy, shame, guilt and often times grief only then can we better serve ourselves and the common good in dismantling these hierarchal structures of oppression.

This is a time of spiritual crisis. As we have seen over the course of the past few months, in an ongoing battle between dominion and power versus unconditional love and connectedness, America’s shadow has bubbled to the forefront calling for its death, rebirth and ultimate transformation.

. . .

Let me be clear; the very foundation of these systems were built on a ethic of lovelessness. Systems of oppression exists as they have been born from spiritual death birthing self-preservation, perceived lack of love and connectedness. When one identifies with lack, they will perpetuate its story; creating blockages and trudging silos of inequality to give birth to their unholy perception. Believing that the acclimation of power will somehow heal their innate sense of lack, the right to love is forfeited as love cannot exist in spaces where domination is the order of the day.

In bell hooks gracefully written volume “All About Love” she speaks on this very issue of power struggles. She writes;

“Domination cannot exist in any social situation where a love ethic prevails…When love is present the desire to dominate and exercise power cannot rule the day. Concern for the collective good of our nation, city or neighbor rooted in the values of love makes us all seek to nurture and protect the good.”

Concern for the collective directly involves the reemergence, building and support of community. When we tune into our desire to follow a love ethic, we understand that this value does not blossom in isolation. We cannot begin to dismantle systems of oppression when we are pitted against one another, lingering in pathological narcissism, white supremacies very philosophy which calls for denying our commonality, equal worth and connectedness. When we begin to build bridges with intent to meet one another in our wholeness, then we call back our innate power and build systems where its foundation is constructed on values of equality, community and love.

It is my hope that through my work as a healer, writer, daughter, sister, aunt, community member and finally lover, the ties of love be continuously emphasized and strengthened through discussion and strategic praxis. For, in this collaborative effort to experience loves redemptive, healing power, will we begin to each live in sync with The One—affirming our innate divine nature thus returning us back home.

The Medicine to Fear

aroma aromatic assortment bottles — Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Now is the time more than ever to be extremely observant. .

Don’t psyche yourself out. With the outbreak of COVID-19, coverage on all media platforms and the upcoming election; it is easy to play into this game of fear. Humans are interdependent creatures fostered by connectedness which will enable this story to inevitably play out in one of two ways. In the first, we “ping” off of each other’s shadows and choose to step into timelines of fear. Due to the threat of sickness & death, we become overcome with this anxious need to survive, at times forgetting that the key to survival is to remain calm in the face of danger and form together as a pact. Community is more important now than ever before. Do not break ties of love, connection and kindness due to being swarmed with low vibrational energies: anxiety, fear, doubt. Recognize tests for what they are and choose to ascend. .

In the second way, we sit back and observe the chaos. We protect ourselves and each other in the BEST way we can—physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. We are mindful of our nutrition, our hygiene, pause to think clearly and support one another with herbal, “wordful” and energetic medicines. We disconnect from lies and fear-mongering, invest our energy in creating spaces bred for thriving in the face of attempted mass-destruction rather than self-destructing. We are ever-mindful and cognizant of those less fortunate; without the privilege of working from home, buying fruits, vegetables, herbs, medicines, loved ones to cherish and those with no clear place to lay their head. As a result, we pass on assistance where we can. We remain cognizant of protecting both ourselves and others. We observe our own reactions, placing our faith and trust in a Higher Power, calling on that strength and maintaining our sovereignty. .

Please remember who you are. Be helpful. Be kind. Be mindful of what you think, of what you digest—literally and figuratively. Calm down your nervous system. Disconnect from media and tune into your heart. Tune into God. .

Be blessed and be safe.

Heaven

Releasing Enmeshment

It is not my job to take on anyone else’s energy.

It is not my job to shift or transmute anyone’s energy.

People are responsible for their own feelings.

People are responsible for creating their own reality.

People are responsible for their own energy.

——

I come from a background of being highly sensitive to perceived conflict, disruption and/or anger. I would often find that I’d brace myself for blows of complaints, negative emotion or blame as an attempt to calm down my nervous system & “keep the peace”. To be deeply affected by someone else’s energy often felt like an attack on my own and I found it hard to remain impartial to the force of other people’s emotions. It didn’t matter whether they were happy or upset, I careful observed the “energy” of the person, assessing their current state of emotions so that I could perceive whether or not my emotional well-being was in threat of being compromised.

In some ways, this can be helpful because the ability to be deeply empathetic enables us to share intimacy with others. However, the shadow side of empathy is enmeshment and codependency—where we are unable to remain grounded in our own body, our own energy due to being affected by the force of someone else’s. Or perhaps we rush to “save” someone stating that we just want to serve others at the sacrifice of our own well-being. This often causes us to become overwhelmed, isolate or (in my own personal case), people please. In truth, this complex is a dishonor to embodying our own energy and remaining in our power.

As a counselor, I deal with peoples emotions everyday. I’m getting to a place in my life where I am able to observe other people’s emotions and distance them from my own. To take on someone else’s energy with an attempt to change it can often be..well quite honestly narcissistic. In reality we have no power to change someone else’s emotions. We have no power to transmute someone’s individual energy. That is a job left up to that individual and God. The times are gone where we are overly responsible or taking accountability for someone else’s feelings. Or perhaps picking up someone else’s baggage, just praying to save them. But reality is, saving someone else won’t help you to save yourself. Each person is responsible for themselves. Their pain is not yours to fix, to transmute. And that, at least for me is a breath of relief. Because with letting this go, I can focus on my energy, my path and unapologetically embodying my joy. And others can meet me on that path with their own.