As many times as I’d died, you think I’d be used to this feeling of rebirth. As I step into this new role, perhaps ancient identity—I find myself expanding in ways the physical eye cannot perceive.
I’d never enjoyed the idea of shrinking myself; of being quiet or silenced; of being docile and meek. Being raised by women daring to run against the grain to return to her nature, I’d been a witness to the unfolding process of the wild woman; as she leaves all that she has known to seek the bounty of the divine.
Marveling at the wild woman, I still feared her solitude as I captured her shadow, the isolation solidifying her lack of trust, turning one’s heart cold and speech bitter. The world shamed her for her lack of submission to patriarchal standards, maiming her an outcast of undeveloped community. She was ostracized, and in her exile was forced to nurture light in the midst of darkness. Her nature always frightened me– the threat of loneliness fastening tightly to my neck, going against my nomadic, communal nature. I ran away from the wild woman even as she beckoned me to a quiet patio to write tales of the divine, placing my forehead upon Gods plentiful earth, crooning in the arms of her bitter shadow until I was forced to see her beauty. Its amazing how stubbornly we run from that which we know can save us.
In calling in her archetype, I honor the nature of who I’ve always been and allow myself to step into the simple authenticity of being me. Peeling away each layer of identity underneath, I discover primal essence and return to the spiritual nature derived from God’s very breath. And in that moment, I realized that the wild woman was only called so because she had the courage the break loose of ego’s chains and do what everyone swore they could not.
Return to heaven by setting herself free.
This is the reopening of the journey of the wild woman.
– liminal space the “in between” that moment when waiting for a call but signals never quite picks up or perhaps the dial tone rings reminding you of words you’d wish you’d said now never to be uttered it’s the space of nothingness yet holding each possibility feet aching over journeys traveled then noticing the road’s spiraled into a dense river with no boat to cross its that moment before the ending right after the climax when all that is heard is steady beating in chests cramping in their stomach shoulders hijacked toward the crown sweet, perchance detrimental anticipation time truly seems to pause in the liminal steady whispers of “haven’t you been here before?” “are you excited to see what happens next,” “or does it haunt you?” battles unwon but not quite defeated the waiting game birthing unease, impatience, anxiety in liminal space that feeling of lack of control trying to hold on to yesterdays memories as a means of predicting tomorrow its like grasping sand between tense fingers the tiniest shards cutting into subtle skin insignificant pebbles marking impressionable membranes only to see its flight thorough diminutive passageways i suppose this lesson has never been easy even in quiet moments of recognition im aware all of the secrets of the universe slip beyond what feeble minds could grasp if it could grasp anything at all with a Creator so expansive so wise, All-Knowing i suppose all the best surprises are first kept secret in letting go of the need to predict trusting infinite wisdom settling into lifes deaths i suppose i still am getting accustomed to breathing in the stillness of liminal space
When a person commits to recovering from trauma, a holistic assessment and healing of the human psyche are often needed. The human psyche is made up of:
Physical body – Biological and physiological needs such as air, food, water, warmth, sleep, etc.
Conscious/Unconscious mind – Thinking, knowledge, information, reasoning, cognition, understanding, perception and memories
Emotional body – Feelings, emotions, sensations, passions, desires, and experiences
When experiencing trauma, memories are instantly stored in the conscious/unconscious mind and emotional body. The same way our memories have an imprint on us, so do our emotions. Emotions hold information. They are reactions to the deep memories and thoughts about our experiences and its effects. The emotional body is integral because it allows for man to experience his thoughts, memories, and reality in a way that goes deeper than simply thinking. Feelings translate our thoughts and perceptions of reality into the embodiment of experiences: in the first person. In other words, emotions and feelings make our experience one that is personal. Nevertheless, as the human body and mind are interconnected, emotions can determine decision making, thoughts, and behaviors. They ultimately serve as alerts to our psyche with clues and information on things that may harm, help or excite us.
In therapy, the act of conceptualizing, rethinking and logically deciphering traumatic events is essential to healing the conscious mind. In essence, in order to heal from psyche damage, many humans need to logically reason and understand the experiences they’ve had. However, just as important is the emotional body which imprints and stores feelings in the psyche and therefore affects the conscious mind.
For example, one who may have had the occurrence of an absent parent usually reports feeling the emotion of abandonment. Abandonment is a subjective emotional state that is characterized by feelings of insecurity, loss, fear, sadness or undesirability. A child experiencing abandonment often does not have a conscious understanding to make sense of what is they are feeling. In addition to this, the conscious mind is born as protective and will innately react to the negative feeling of fear and shield the child from experiencing that emotion. Therefore this feeling and experience get stored away into both the unconscious mind and the emotional body.
This child will continue to grow up with feelings of inadequacy, being undesirable, fear of loss, sadness, and insecurity. Because the conscious mind was so protective, it would’ve have stored the memory and feeling deep into the unconscious and emotional body, disabling the growing child from being able to cognitively process and experience those negative emotions. What do you think happens next? Yes, in search for healing, the child will then unconsciously seek out situations in which the psyche replays the story of abandonment over and over again.
In order to heal, one must dig into the emotional body and allow for those old emotions to come up in order to be experienced and united. There are various techniques for fostering this integration with one being the meditative practice of “sitting with one’s emotions”. Here is the technique I use for this practice.
Sit comfortably, cross-legged or in a chair with feet planted firmly on the ground
Breathe deeply into both nostrils, in and out
Bring up the memory/core issue that wishes to be explored
Tune into the body as this memory comes up. Ask yourself “What emotion am I feeling?” Take the time to feel this emotion as it courses through your body. Do not try to guide your thoughts or change your emotions. Simply let it take its course.
Now ask “Where in the body is this feeling? What does it feel like?” You are familiarizing yourself with this unique bodily feeling so that you will know what emotion you are experiencing if it comes up again in the future.
Next, ask “Where did I first experience this emotion?” If nothing comes up at this point, that is fine. Sometimes we are unable to remember exactly when we first experienced an emotion. Simply allow for the feeling to come up, in order to experience it.
Say that emotion “I hear you. I am here with you. I support you. You are allowed to feel.”
Reconstruct the memory into what you think you NEEDED at that time in order to feel your best. This will be personal for each person, so allow for your feelings to guide you and not your conscious mind. Your emotional body knows best what it needs.
Healing the emotional body does not happen in one sitting. Many people are unaware of the fact that there are years of emotional trauma that must be experienced, healed and integrated. Take all the time you need to foster this union. Healing is a journey that one must take for the course of their life not a single destination.
So, you didn’t get that job or apartment that you wanted and now, you have a collection of reneged offers, rejection letters, and acquired hopelessness. We’ve all been there. You’re in the process of a huge transition and receiving bad news doesn’t make the change any easier. “Is this meant to be? Should I keep going?” you may ask yourself. Life surely doesn’t promise us immediate happiness and success, however, it does promise that it will change. Constantly.
Life transitions can foster fear, unease and discomfort. As an emerging adult, I can personally attest to this rollercoaster of a transition into adulthood. My main take away from the wisdom adulthood brings is: life will often be confusing and unstructured. In a nutshell, life will bring many necessary times of transformation, which can often bring about — yes, you guessed it — stress.
So here is the big question; what can we do to ease stress? Research shows that the main supporters for managing stress is optimism and self-compassion. Nevertheless, positive self-talk in the form of self-compassion and self-kindness reportedly increases well-being and decreases stress (Neely et al., 2009). Brisette et al. (2002) also reports that greater optimism leads to greater use of active coping, planning and positive reinterpretation and growth.
Here are some tips that may be helpful in fostering self-compassion and optimism throughout stressful transitions:
Life is unpredictable, accept it:We’ve already discussed that life is vastly unpredictable and tools to cope with that unpredictability. Acceptance of unpredictability allows for one to let go of the illusion of control. With this, we allow ourselves space to experience variability throughout life transitions instead of judging or berating ourselves when things don’t go as planned.
Compulsive negative thinking vastly affects productivity, motivation, and outcome: Negative thinking is normal, however compulsive negative thinking without correction can be detrimental. Practices of judgment and resistance of one’s negative thoughts often result in a greater internal struggle. It is essential to give yourself self-compassion. By using the practice of self-compassion in our self-talk, we allow ourselves to be human. Express doubts, actively observe w/o judgment and finally, apply empathy to the parts of yourself that are speaking out of fear. Often, fearful and negative thoughts represent a part of ourselves that want to protect us from suffering or disappointment. Send that part some compassion and reassurance. It is perfectly okay to be afraid; it’s apart of the process.
Use your failures as leverage: You’ve had 4 interviews within the last month and didn’t land any of those jobs. Perhaps now you feel frustrated and hopeless? That’s okay. Give yourself space to feel these emotions. Then, use those failures as leverage. Does your resume need tailoring to fit the job? Were you asking engaging questions to your interviewer? Can you create a portfolio of your creations and accomplishments? It’s important to allow room for failure because these failures (while they may suck) allow us to learn from and rectify mistakes that we have made. Every failure is a lesson — use it as such.
Be realistic: Its great to be positive and to believe that things will always work out for us, but using discernment is just as important. Knowing and understanding our boundaries is a pivotal lesson in self-care. Don’t ignore real difficulties with the hope that everything will go perfectly. Take precautions and move with calculated intelligence. That too is a huge part of embodying mature optimism.
Cultivate hope and faith: Faith and hope are two things that are essential in maintaining optimism. Do you have a belief in something or someone higher than yourself? Can you ask this being to strengthen you in hope and faith? Can you, for one second, visualize a better you? Who would you be? How would you get there? This is your life. You have all of the cards in your hand to create a better (or worse) future for yourself. Hope is a choice. It takes courage to wish and focus on goodness when the cards you’ve been dealt are the worst. But perhaps a bit of courage is all that one needs to move out from the rain of the storm into the warmth of the shelter.
References:
Arnett, J. J. (2015). Emerging adulthood: The winding road from the late teens through the twenties (2nd ed.). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.
Brissette, I., Scheier, M. F., & Carver, C. S. (2002). The role of optimism in social network development, coping, and psychological adjustment during a life transition. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 82(1), 102–111.
Neely, M.E., Schallert, D.L., Mohammed, S.S. et al. Motiv Emot (2009) Self-kindness when facing stress: The role of self-compassion, goal regulation, and support in college students’ well-being. 88. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11031-008-9119-8
Genuinely Jannah 