“Never treat any person as a means. Treat everybody as an end in himself, in herself—then you don’t cling, then you are not attached. You love, but your love gives freedom—and, when you give freedom to the other, you are free. Only in freedom does your soul grow.” Love, Freedom, Aloneness: The Koan of Relationships: Osho

In a culture that proclaims to be vastly individualistic—romantic relationships have quickly become the overall goal for acquiring love, commitment, and acceptance. While love in itself is a wonderful feeling and emotion, the apparent stressed importance of experiencing love through romantic relationships seems to be a bit exaggerated. For decades, the mentality of ‘finding one’s other half’ has been marketed and sold to the masses. Books, movies and social media (a.k.a ‘relationship goals’) serve to reemphasize this apparent importance of ‘finding your other half’. However, something that is even more important than securing a romantic relationship is nurturing the relationship with ourselves.

When we talk about looking for our “better half”, we subconsciously enable this idea that wholeness relies upon someone else. While love is integral to our being, it does not only lie within the confines of a romantic relationship. Wholeness, as well as love, is self-made. When we are able to maintain this truth— that we came into this earth as fully whole and capable beings- the search stops for someone or something else to complete us. Time has proven again and again that no amount of external validation, gifts or people will mask how we feel about ourselves internally. A person can love us with everything they have but it will never amount as much to us loving ourselves.

Furthermore, when we sit in our wholeness we are able to accept being alone. Aloneness is not to be confused with loneliness. Loneliness speaks of lack; feeling that something is missing or being incomplete. Very often, loneliness is the feeling that one runs away from when they are in futile search of something external to complete them. Aloneness, however, is maintaining personal individuality, love, presence and being. When one sits in their aloneness, their validation, love, and wholeness come from within- from the acceptance of who they are, the enjoyment of what they like and knowledge of simply being enough. When a person is able to come to this remembering- that they always have been and are whole, then those proceeding relationships come from choice and not a necessity. This means that if someone is not treating us the way we deserve to be treated, we leave. Being alone isn’t a threat to our happiness, not honoring ourselves is. If someone not in alignment with us and our path, we bid them farewell and wish them the best. Life is a journey for each of us so why would we knowingly restrict someone else’s or even our own experience and growth?

Going through the process of nurturing ourselves, sitting in aloneness and embracing our wholeness allows for the most beautiful of relationships to form: the one with ourselves. When a partner does show up—just as whole and loving—one gets to experience a love that is not based on conditions of filling a void but is fulfilling, nurturing and free.