Surrendering to Liminal Space


liminal space
the “in between”
that moment when waiting for a call
but signals never quite picks up
or perhaps the dial tone rings
reminding you of words you’d wish you’d said
now never to be uttered
it’s the space of nothingness
yet holding each possibility
feet aching over journeys traveled
then noticing the road’s spiraled into a dense river
with no boat to cross
its that moment before the ending
right after the climax
when all that is heard is steady beating in chests
cramping in their stomach
shoulders hijacked toward the crown
sweet, perchance detrimental anticipation
time truly seems to pause in the liminal
steady whispers of “haven’t you been here before?”
“are you excited to see what happens next,”
“or does it haunt you?”
battles unwon but not quite defeated
the waiting game birthing unease,
impatience,
anxiety
in liminal space
that feeling of lack of control
trying to hold on to yesterdays memories
as a means of predicting tomorrow
its like grasping sand between tense fingers
the tiniest shards cutting into subtle skin
insignificant pebbles marking impressionable membranes
only to see its flight thorough diminutive passageways
i suppose this lesson has never been easy
even in quiet moments of recognition
im aware all of the secrets of the universe slip beyond what feeble minds could grasp
if it could grasp anything at all
with a Creator so expansive
so wise, All-Knowing
i suppose all the best surprises are first kept secret
in letting go of the need to predict
trusting infinite wisdom
settling into lifes deaths
i suppose i still am getting accustomed
to breathing in the stillness of liminal space

Xx Heaven

Healing as a Community Effort

My Home

One of the biggest core wounds I’ve had to heal is doubting myself. Perhaps, it stems from generational trauma: a burden earned from my identity as a Black Muslim woman in North America. I can remember from the time I began grade school that I had in innate need to excel. And this need was driven by a passion to be accepted, to be validated in ways that perhaps my ancestors could not have for themselves. My mother would constantly remind: “You have to work three times just as hard as the next person. Why? You are black, you are Muslim and you are a woman. You are the most hated thing this country has ever seen but never let that deter you from your destiny.”

Memories like these haunt me as I sit in spaces of people dripping of privilege. While I cannot deny my own privilege (having the means and intellect to read, write and work in well-known and established institutions), I cannot deny the trauma experienced from having my hopes and dreams seemingly mitigated by shields of disadvantage. And believe me: I am not the only one. What say you of those whom have been wrongfully incarcerated; having their rights stripped away? What say you of working-class families, whose parents did not have the opportunity to send their children to private schools, colleges and universities? Or immigrant families, forced from their homes into a spaces where they are unwelcomed, ostracized from society as the “other”. We live in a society that separates us not only by color, but by class through means of mental acuity, physique and economic standing.

For those of us whom are deeply empathetic to the struggles of others, we often ask ourselves “what can I do to help”? Its quite admirable honestly; even with our own innate feelings of unworthiness, we still stand for others. But even this can be a trap. How can one untether themselves from their own trauma through fighting for anothers? I must be candid and ask- who will stand and fight for yours? Nevertheless, it is often through this cyclical cycle of seeking healing externally that God grants us the wisdom to finally be able forgive ourselves in ways that we never could before. Our stories are just stories: a culmination of memories, experiences and perceptions all charged with the task of bringing us to your depths. Of helping us understand ourselves. And perhaps…perhaps through this revelation, one finds the strength to look in the mirror and accept who they see. Beautifully so, as time has proven through hearing each others stories, staring at familiar and unfamiliar faces and images, visiting spaces that reminds of us of home, reflecting on the uniqueness of each of our stories—we somehow find healing.

I don’t claim to know everything, in fact I believe that I barely know anything at all. But what I am sure of is that through seeing the humanity of one another, we build systems of healing. I know that through supporting works derived from intrinsic truths, we project strength that allows for others to stand in their own authenticity. I’ve witnessed how beautifully and intricately interconnected we are to one another and how this connection is proof in a greater Divine being that ties us all together.

We all have healing to do. We have generations of trauma, of withstanding pain, of quietly allowing injustice to breed resentment within our being. From these passions given to us from The One we are called to a higher purpose of embodying the righteous qualities that exists within God Himself. We are called to a higher purpose of breaking illusions–helping one another, being kind, reminding one another who we truly are. We are called to a higher purpose of experiencing this existence. Of experiencing humanness, of experiencing Him. Be sure that your experience is one that is well-worth the journey.

 

The Empty

white clouds
Photo by Dorothy Castillo on Pexels.com

Take a moment to empty yourself

Release all identities

All perceptions

Become like a child

Open in its awareness

Curious to what God has to offer it

All that it knows is its knowing

Its seeing

Its hearing

Empty yourself of yourself

Turn to God and seek Him in silence

Immerse yourself in the depths

Cleanse your being

Empty your vessel of all that it cant contain

All that distorts reality

All the is subjective in nature

Turn to nature and seek thyself

Oh, once you empty yourself

You will find God lingering in the containment of your being

In Stillness with The One

cloudiness clouds cloudy daylight
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

At times–

I’m not sure how I get there,

Unsure of where I end

Or where He begins

I just know that He lies inside

Waiting to be discovered

In truth: He is a part of me

And I, derived from Him

There is no separation–

There is no loss

In the midst of quiet

Or as the birds continue chirping,

the rustling of the wind through leaves,

tree’s that sustain my being

I breathe in heavens air

Attaining the smallest taste of The One

Filled with awe and amazement–

My ego is stunned, only able to whisper

“I know. I worship. I love,

Know. Worship. Love

Knowing. Worshiping. Love”

God. The One. The Truth.

That moment when I settle into my being

And my heart is filled to its contents

My eyes, wet with tears

Filled with ease, joy, and love

All I can taste on the flesh of my lips

The One. The One. The One.

At times

I swear… I’m astounded that I’m allowed to get here

When I’m not sure where I end

Or where He begins

All I know;

All I worship;

All I love;

The One–

For in you is where I find my remembrance

The Greatest Gift of All

red and white gift box with ribbon bow
Photo by Lum3n.com on Pexels.com

This morning as I sat in my bed

I reflected upon what I wanted to ask of God;

Made a list of things to inquire

Boy, was my mind filled with glee at the things I longed to have

“God, deliver to me a car–black, shiny and beautiful

Or perhaps flowers…yeah, a lush and abundant garden,

filled with herbs, vegetables, and fruit of diverse assortment

Oh God, bring me a wondrous family!

Connections and intimacy flowing with love, laughter, and divinity

Though wait…what of my job?

Oh yes, please give me a career that I LOVE

Receiving wealth through my creations!”

And as the list carries on and on

I know by His infinite abundance and Mercy– He gives

But satisfaction evades me

Even after receiving what I prayed for

So…a new list is made: this time longer, more specific

Nevertheless, The One gives

For He is the one who hears and replies with bounty

And still, satisfaction escapes me

Have I asked for too much?

Maybe I did not ask for the right things?

Spent with exhaustion and confusion

I lay on the ground, basking in stillness

Letting my ego wander as it creates bigger lists,

Images of what may satisfy me

Releasing tension and exhaustion

Breathing through each spent muscle

Finally, she stills

A small voice whispers “…Are you there?”

“This life is full of glitter and gold,

And while The One is The best of givers, The most Compassionate

I truly long for contentment,

Ease, love and peace”

Things are things and can be stolen

Sold, cheapened or broken

But peace is acquired,

A gift that can be experienced in any circumstance;

In poverty, richness, aloneness or company

A gift that many of us lack,

Misunderstand or comprehend how to attain

So, The One…

Thank you for all that you have given

Thank you for continuing to give

I am humbled, full of gratitude

Today, I do not desire objects that only exaggerate emptiness

But for the endowment of true knowing,

Unwavering peace of mind,

Purity of heart,

And most importantly– ease

The home in which all hearts truly seek