Redefining the Bounds of Spiritual Praxis

Lately, I’ve been attempting to find a new rhythm of spiritual practice, retrace my steps to relearn what it means to be an individual who serves God, who loves God and most importantly; who is God conscious. Do we absolve the meaning that intentionality brings in return for being a diligent soldier? Do we follow blindly without asking question, without coming to a deeper understanding of ourselves and God as One Union? And how do we allow ourselves to be properly yoked in the face of this magnificence that surrounds each one of us?

I’ve been searching for my relationship to the Ultimate to be much more prayerful. And silent all in the same instance.

You see, I was raised in a staunch Muslim background. I felt for most of my life, as I observed many of the practices of these wonderful, yet flawed individuals that there was missing the integral piece of clear-heartedness. It seemed that rituals were followed hollowly without true clear-heartedness- the sacred intention of wanting to be close to God for the love of this beautiful entity as opposed to guilt. Or fear.

When I actually think about it, many of these relationships included a sort of transactional dynamic between an individual and “the other”, which further perpetuated some reality of egotism. To believe that one is so important that they must be followed or ruled as some odd way of further proving this importance. I saw this in many peoples relationships not just with God but also, with authority figures; doctors/nurses, teachers and even parents.

It is true that many relationships on the outside definitely can operate in a transactional manner. “If you do this for me, I will love you more. If you don’t do this, I will hate you”, this is the idea isn’t it? In but so many words, we have continued to perpetuate this idea that our sense of worthiness, of being loved, cared for, accepted is dependent upon some outside validation of how good we are to other people. Of how good we are to the world. But the reality is that when you understand your inner worthiness apart from anyone else requiring it from you, this is when you truly are able to pour back into the world around you. How can we possibly expect to give freely, relentlessly and earnestly when we are giving from a place of needing someone else to validate us? We constantly place another’s mind and morality at the forefront of our consumption, needing someone, ANYONE to tell us that we’re good enough. And the real reason we need someone to tell us this is because we don’t believe it within ourselves. Thus, I feel this same fallacy, we project onto The Most High.

Tapping into the reality of God, for me at least, this being feels limitless. Merciful at the forefront, He see’s to the core of who we truly are. Seeing deeper than a meaningless identity of “this is who I am today and that’s who I was yesterday”, yet still allowing for us to experience this being through this very identity. So many stay perched on the surface level of who God is, believing that we are created in His image. Many believe that God has “likes and dislikes” and judges according to our feeble human affairs. That God takes human beings at face value and labels each of us as “good or bad”. A surface level, that places mans own ideology of morality and value at the forefront, instead of understanding and loving the intricacy of God’s nature and thus, failing to fall in love with their own.

What a gift life is when we are able to tune into the truth of who we have always been. We are able to tap into this limitlessness and relinquish false identities. Perched at the base of God’s throne, we recognize how small we are, and thank Him for it. I’d always marveled at the unique ability that religion sought to give tools and a means of absolving oneself in favor of the whole.

And The Whole is harmonious. It is also chaotic. It is an active and alive universe, with so many things happening in each instant since the beginning of time—it is expanding and releasing planets, while other ones die, when the star is absolved into a deep black hole and plunged into nothingness…What then is left behind? Then do the words of an abusive mother matter? Does the car that cuts you off on the way to work even make a dent in the reality of the cosmos? Does that emotion that you thought you’d NEVER get over, make its way back up to the heavens? Does man become that important to the grand scheme of creation?

Numerous times have I found myself at the precipice of grand self-importance. Maybe because I felt that if none of this meant anything, then God would dissolve itself. But at the ending of my identity, there is the beginning of the nameless, the formless that does not speak. But simply exists.

Lately, I’ve been trying to find a new rhythm of spiritual practice, retracing the rituals of old, the intentionality of my ancestors, the prayers that protected their graves. I’d searched so far only to come back to the place I’d started. Recognizing that to find God, the search must discontinue deep enough for me to dissolve myself, my separation, my opinion and distance. To melt back into this Majestic Creator who had always lingered deep within.

I pray that you find the strength to let go of yourself. Simply, to find yourself.

Heaven

Releasing the False Self—Ramadan Reflections

This Ramadan has been quite peculiar for me.

In this place of merging tradition with intentional ritual and releasing faulty conditioning of the Ultimate Truth, I have found myself at the seat of paradoxes one can find lying beneath the tyranny of the false self.

Where are the people, the items, the identities that will bring us to The Most High? We find ourselves seeking practices, ritual and information as a means of searching for this Ultimate Truth. And still, many will miss it.

This search for truth is often found when the haze of clouds disappear overlooking the sky. As Rumi writes, “God has shown us the foam and obscured the ocean”. We see the dust but missed the wind. How is it that we are searching for that which has existed all along?

We search and search once again, only to find consciousness peaking beneath the level of our awareness. Then attention becomes displaced and once again—this awareness escapes us. How is it that we have missed the gold that peaks from beneath the surface? Or even more importantly, how can we grasp the gold when we are confounded with the earth settled on top of it?

This is what it means to operate under the false self, to be consumed by the evils of our own minds—fear, doubt, shame, guilt, judgement and compulsion. Many of us condemn the hell we are afraid of entering—yet perpetuate its presence in our lives through each waking moment.

In moments we choose our false selves over the reflection of the Divine, we have lost Ultimate Truth. In moments we find ourselves tethered to unnecessary impulses, compulsive needs of the lower self, an inability to sit in the wake of nothingness, of silence—we are forfeiting our birthright to the Ultimate Truth. And what is this truth exactly? It is the presence of God that is so apparently in our face, we lose vision of Him each time we turn our face.

It is nothing to be ashamed of, but everything to be conscious of. In this world where we are faced with so much distraction, temptation, anger and strife—remembrance of God becomes not only a necessity, but our saving grace. And I do not mean the God that is defined through religious dogma and rules to regulate human conduct. I mean the Creator that exists beyond space and time—residing, etched deeply into every facet of His magnificent Creation. Including ourselves.

This is what I have learnt this Holy Month. That behind routine, there is the intention and importance of ritual that brings us to a place of purposeful remembrance. And this remembrance allows us to let go of ourselves, let go of our false identities in favor of remembering the fullness of that from which we have come. To embody our divinity and let go of conditioning, false idols and hatred. To release our arrogance and fall to our faces in humility and lack of perfection. And even in those shameful reflections, find the need for the love of God.

💛 I pray the Creator purify my speech, in my intentionality to bring forth His magnificence.

💛 I pray this month be an opening to each of our awakening.

For this, is the truest, most enduring healing 🌸

Have a wonderful second half of this Holy Month.

Your sister,

Xx Heaven

The Art of Being in Flow

Do you really trust your Creator?

Do you even trust yourself?

From self-observation, one will find there are many ego games at play all in one instance. When we talk of surrender, we literally mean the ability to be able to completely relinquish control— or the illusion of such in which we place our faith in the hands of our Creator. Surrender requires trust: understanding that God’s plans are much more unbounded and perfect than our own. Some may say that they find surrender on the mat in the midst of yoga. When one contorts their body into pretzel-like poses or even a simple leaning forward onto stretched out legs, feeling muscles pulse in their struggle to release its hold, break, tear and form deeper into this shape.

Or perhaps surrender comes during that moment in meditation where words become sparse and one begins to hear sounds circling around them. Listening to cars whiz by; laughter from children across the street at a playground; birds in flight, the wind carrying melodious chirps or; a slight ringing sound of silence. In those moments where oneself begins to blend with the world around them, the realization that separation is the mass hallucinogenic illusion we’ve all implicitly agreed upon becomes ever so clear.

Maybe surrender arrives in the midst of prayer. When a chant and intention becomes vibration—pulsating across a thousand membranes and cells implanting itself through muscle memory. Our voices mirroring the very tremors that shaped the universe. With Gods name heavy on our tongue, hearts begin to tremble at the humble awareness of the familiar essence of its Creator. Reverence becoming our name, we bow our heads in humility understanding our own creation and God’s mercy in manifesting us.

In reality, many humans have issues with surrender in many aspects of daily living. Perhaps it’s a trouble to commit to a routine, to acknowledge our imperfection, a negligence to pull ourselves from self-importance, a lack of humility, difficulty with bowing our heads in prayer or even admitting that we do not have all of the answers.

The lesson of surrender arrives in many forms; in many that we have endured during this very year. As difficult as it may get, I am keen to remember that surrender often arrives in places where God seeks to be revered. In these spaces, we are asked to drop the force of “personal will” to allow something much bigger and wiser than ourselves to emerge. We are joined with the force of nature which knows no illusory separation and fully submits itself to the will of the Creator, following His commandments. And due to this submission, nature poses as eternally and infinitely beautiful—a reflection of God Himself which stands as a reminder to those whom seek wisdom. This wisdom allows for us to reclaim the seat of our being, causing the to submergence into submission and reemerge of our likeness of God, thus returning to our own timeless divine nature. In this we never fear the illusion of death as we return to infiniteness.

Thus our very breath turning into a return, reverence and prayer to The Most High.

The Empty

white clouds — Photo by Dorothy Castillo on Pexels.com

Take a moment to empty yourself

Release all identities

All perceptions

Become like a child

Open in its awareness

Curious to what God has to offer it

All that it knows is its knowing

Its seeing

Its hearing

Empty yourself of yourself

Turn to God and seek Him in silence

Immerse yourself in the depths

Cleanse your being

Empty your vessel of all that it cant contain

All that distorts reality

All the is subjective in nature

Turn to nature and seek thyself

Oh, once you empty yourself

You will find God lingering in the containment of your being

Healing the Emotional Body

close up photography of man s face at night time — Photo by Dương Nhân on Pexels.com

When a person commits to recovering from trauma, a holistic assessment and healing of the human psyche are often needed. The human psyche is made up of:

Physical body – Biological and physiological needs such as air, food, water, warmth, sleep, etc.
Conscious/Unconscious mind – Thinking, knowledge, information, reasoning, cognition, understanding, perception and memories
Emotional body – Feelings, emotions, sensations, passions, desires, and experiences

When experiencing trauma, memories are instantly stored in the conscious/unconscious mind and emotional body. The same way our memories have an imprint on us, so do our emotions. Emotions hold information. They are reactions to the deep memories and thoughts about our experiences and its effects. The emotional body is integral because it allows for man to experience his thoughts, memories, and reality in a way that goes deeper than simply thinking. Feelings translate our thoughts and perceptions of reality into the embodiment of experiences: in the first person. In other words, emotions and feelings make our experience one that is personal. Nevertheless, as the human body and mind are interconnected, emotions can determine decision making, thoughts, and behaviors. They ultimately serve as alerts to our psyche with clues and information on things that may harm, help or excite us.

In therapy, the act of conceptualizing, rethinking and logically deciphering traumatic events is essential to healing the conscious mind. In essence, in order to heal from psyche damage, many humans need to logically reason and understand the experiences they’ve had. However, just as important is the emotional body which imprints and stores feelings in the psyche and therefore affects the conscious mind.

For example, one who may have had the occurrence of an absent parent usually reports feeling the emotion of abandonment. Abandonment is a subjective emotional state that is characterized by feelings of insecurity, loss, fear, sadness or undesirability. A child experiencing abandonment often does not have a conscious understanding to make sense of what is they are feeling. In addition to this, the conscious mind is born as protective and will innately react to the negative feeling of fear and shield the child from experiencing that emotion. Therefore this feeling and experience get stored away into both the unconscious mind and the emotional body.

This child will continue to grow up with feelings of inadequacy, being undesirable, fear of loss, sadness, and insecurity. Because the conscious mind was so protective, it would’ve have stored the memory and feeling deep into the unconscious and emotional body, disabling the growing child from being able to cognitively process and experience those negative emotions. What do you think happens next? Yes, in search for healing, the child will then unconsciously seek out situations in which the psyche replays the story of abandonment over and over again.

In order to heal, one must dig into the emotional body and allow for those old emotions to come up in order to be experienced and united. There are various techniques for fostering this integration with one being the meditative practice of “sitting with one’s emotions”. Here is the technique I use for this practice.

Sit comfortably, cross-legged or in a chair with feet planted firmly on the ground
Breathe deeply into both nostrils, in and out
Bring up the memory/core issue that wishes to be explored
Tune into the body as this memory comes up. Ask yourself “What emotion am I feeling?” Take the time to feel this emotion as it courses through your body. Do not try to guide your thoughts or change your emotions. Simply let it take its course.
Now ask “Where in the body is this feeling? What does it feel like?” You are familiarizing yourself with this unique bodily feeling so that you will know what emotion you are experiencing if it comes up again in the future.
Next, ask “Where did I first experience this emotion?” If nothing comes up at this point, that is fine. Sometimes we are unable to remember exactly when we first experienced an emotion. Simply allow for the feeling to come up, in order to experience it.
Say that emotion “I hear you. I am here with you. I support you. You are allowed to feel.”
Reconstruct the memory into what you think you NEEDED at that time in order to feel your best. This will be personal for each person, so allow for your feelings to guide you and not your conscious mind. Your emotional body knows best what it needs.

Healing the emotional body does not happen in one sitting. Many people are unaware of the fact that there are years of emotional trauma that must be experienced, healed and integrated. Take all the time you need to foster this union. Healing is a journey that one must take for the course of their life not a single destination.