Screams from the Silent

office

 

At times I feel meekly paralyzed
Covering my face at the shame of gruesome deeds
If one could perhaps rip the blindfold from their heart
Lay each story onto a scale and measure them
They’d be horrified at the punchlines we’ve been sold;
One man with limbs marred by pavements heat in the scorching summer
Somewhere near 96th Street
Onlookers watch gazes filled of disgust
And I, I disappear into the crowd
Stomach full of lead
Or perhaps the woman with two children
One upright, one decrepit
As she stumbles up and down flights with purse, babe and stroller in hand
Mere seconds from plunging to her demise
But her worry is with is the place she needs to go,
the mouths she need to feed,
the work she must return to
Never mind patrons passing idly along stairs until she trips on the first child,
Another rushing to grasp the falling carriage from her hands
As she tumbles down 8 flights, child firmly clasped to her chest
Woe to these current times—
Profit at the demise of our brothers
Without the means to purchase tombstones for graveyards
While others are sipping from gold plated cups
Until one sees the face of God within themselves
It is hard to see God in the needy man with burnt limbs;
The wailing child dangling from the mother’s arms;
The man on Wall Street stuffing his mouth with gold
I am horrifically guilty—
Wishing for the return of my innocence

 

The Empty

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Take a moment to empty yourself

Release all identities

All perceptions

Become like a child

Open in its awareness

Curious to what God has to offer it

All that it knows is its knowing

Its seeing

Its hearing

Empty yourself of yourself

Turn to God and seek Him in silence

Immerse yourself in the depths

Cleanse your being

Empty your vessel of all that it cant contain

All that distorts reality

All the is subjective in nature

Turn to nature and seek thyself

Oh, once you empty yourself

You will find God lingering in the containment of your being

Healing the Emotional Body

 

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When a person commits to recovering from trauma, a holistic assessment and healing of the human psyche are often needed. The human psyche is made up of:

  • Physical body – Biological and physiological needs such as air, food, water, warmth, sleep, etc.
  • Conscious/Unconscious mind – Thinking, knowledge, information, reasoning, cognition, understanding, perception and memories
  • Emotional body – Feelings, emotions, sensations, passions, desires, and experiences

When experiencing trauma, memories are instantly stored in the conscious/unconscious mind and emotional body. The same way our memories have an imprint on us, so do our emotions. Emotions hold information. They are reactions to the deep memories and thoughts about our experiences and its effects. The emotional body is integral because it allows for man to experience his thoughts, memories, and reality in a way that goes deeper than simply thinking. Feelings translate our thoughts and perceptions of reality into the embodiment of experiences: in the first person. In other words, emotions and feelings make our experience one that is personal. Nevertheless, as the human body and mind are interconnected, emotions can determine decision making, thoughts, and behaviors. They ultimately serve as alerts to our psyche with clues and information on things that may harm, help or excite us.

In therapy, the act of conceptualizing, rethinking and logically deciphering traumatic events is essential to healing the conscious mind. In essence, in order to heal from psyche damage, many humans need to logically reason and understand the experiences they’ve had. However, just as important is the emotional body which imprints and stores feelings in the psyche and therefore affects the conscious mind.

For example, one who may have had the occurrence of an absent parent usually reports feeling the emotion of abandonment. Abandonment is a subjective emotional state that is characterized by feelings of insecurity, loss, fear, sadness or undesirability. A child experiencing abandonment often does not have a conscious understanding to make sense of what is they are feeling. In addition to this, the conscious mind is born as protective and will innately react to the negative feeling of fear and shield the child from experiencing that emotion. Therefore this feeling and experience get stored away into both the unconscious mind and the emotional body.

This child will continue to grow up with feelings of inadequacy, being undesirable, fear of loss, sadness, and insecurity. Because the conscious mind was so protective, it would’ve have stored the memory and feeling deep into the unconscious and emotional body, disabling the growing child from being able to cognitively process and experience those negative emotions. What do you think happens next? Yes, in search for healing, the child will then unconsciously seek out situations in which the psyche replays the story of abandonment over and over again.

In order to heal, one must dig into the emotional body and allow for those old emotions to come up in order to be experienced and united. There are various techniques for fostering this integration with one being the meditative practice of “sitting with one’s emotions”. Here is the technique I use for this practice.

  1. Sit comfortably, cross-legged or in a chair with feet planted firmly on the ground
  2. Breathe deeply into both nostrils, in and out
  3. Bring up the memory/core issue that wishes to be explored
  4. Tune into the body as this memory comes up. Ask yourself “What emotion am I feeling?” Take the time to feel this emotion as it courses through your body. Do not try to guide your thoughts or change your emotions. Simply let it take its course.
  5. Now ask “Where in the body is this feeling? What does it feel like?” You are familiarizing yourself with this unique bodily feeling so that you will know what emotion you are experiencing if it comes up again in the future.
  6. Next, ask “Where did I first experience this emotion?” If nothing comes up at this point, that is fine. Sometimes we are unable to remember exactly when we first experienced an emotion. Simply allow for the feeling to come up, in order to experience it.
  7. Say that emotion “I hear you. I am here with you. I support you. You are allowed to feel.”
  8. Reconstruct the memory into what you think you NEEDED at that time in order to feel your best. This will be personal for each person, so allow for your feelings to guide you and not your conscious mind. Your emotional body knows best what it needs.

Healing the emotional body does not happen in one sitting. Many people are unaware of the fact that there are years of emotional trauma that must be experienced, healed and integrated. Take all the time you need to foster this union. Healing is a journey that one must take for the course of their life not a single destination.

The Healer

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They call her the savior

A curse derived from childhood

Marked by her upbringing

Where she was everyone’s sunshine

She is the psychologist

The knower, the healer

Intelligent, wise

Able to solve problems

To fix pieces, mend hearts

She is the salve that one puts on their scars;

The Band-Aid a young child places on their injury;

The stitches that hold together flesh;

The molecules that bind to form cells

Do you know the curse of a healer?

The one that seeks to heal even in the midst of their own suffering?

The selfless act of empathy

Of compassion

Of relating

Or perhaps enmeshment

Struggling to release binds

To release ties

Placing boundaries to save oneself

If you understand the curse of the healer, then…

Who heals the healer?

How can she be saved?

If she’s the one doing the saving,

I suppose,

Her salve;

Her band-aid;

Her medicine

Lies somewhere in between silence

A cup of tea, a pen, and paper,

Prayer,

and time

As it etches on, memories fading into nothingness

Her purification deriving from destruction

Like the Phoenix whom burns itself to ashes

Only to rise anew, relishing in the purity of rebirth

Do you know the miracle of the healer?

Where depths are welcome

Death loses its horror

And suffering is her rebirth

The Greatest Gift of All

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This morning as I sat in my bed

I reflected upon what I wanted to ask of God;

Made a list of things to inquire

Boy, was my mind filled with glee at the things I longed to have

“God, deliver to me a car–black, shiny and beautiful

Or perhaps flowers…yeah, a lush and abundant garden,

filled with herbs, vegetables, and fruit of diverse assortment

Oh God, bring me a wondrous family!

Connections and intimacy flowing with love, laughter, and divinity

Though wait…what of my job?

Oh yes, please give me a career that I LOVE

Receiving wealth through my creations!”

And as the list carries on and on

I know by His infinite abundance and Mercy– He gives

But satisfaction evades me

Even after receiving what I prayed for

So…a new list is made: this time longer, more specific

Nevertheless, The One gives

For He is the one who hears and replies with bounty

And still, satisfaction escapes me

Have I asked for too much?

Maybe I did not ask for the right things?

Spent with exhaustion and confusion

I lay on the ground, basking in stillness

Letting my ego wander as it creates bigger lists,

Images of what may satisfy me

Releasing tension and exhaustion

Breathing through each spent muscle

Finally, she stills

A small voice whispers “…Are you there?”

“This life is full of glitter and gold,

And while The One is The best of givers, The most Compassionate

I truly long for contentment,

Ease, love and peace”

Things are things and can be stolen

Sold, cheapened or broken

But peace is acquired,

A gift that can be experienced in any circumstance;

In poverty, richness, aloneness or company

A gift that many of us lack,

Misunderstand or comprehend how to attain

So, The One…

Thank you for all that you have given

Thank you for continuing to give

I am humbled, full of gratitude

Today, I do not desire objects that only exaggerate emptiness

But for the endowment of true knowing,

Unwavering peace of mind,

Purity of heart,

And most importantly– ease

The home in which all hearts truly seek