Tag: wholeness

Romance, Love, and Aloneness

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“Never treat any person as a means. Treat everybody as an end in himself, in herself—then you don’t cling, then you are not attached. You love, but your love gives freedom—and, when you give freedom to the other, you are free. Only in freedom does your soul grow.” Love, Freedom, Aloneness: The Koan of Relationships: Osho

In a culture that proclaims to be vastly individualistic—romantic relationships have quickly become the overall goal for acquiring love, commitment, and acceptance. While love in itself is a wonderful feeling and emotion, the apparent stressed importance of experiencing love through romantic relationships seems to be a bit exaggerated. For decades, the mentality of ‘finding one’s other half’ has been marketed and sold to the masses. Books, movies and social media (a.k.a ‘relationship goals’) serve to reemphasize this apparent importance of ‘finding your other half’. However, something that is even more important than securing a romantic relationship is nurturing the relationship with ourselves.

When we talk about looking for our “better half”, we subconsciously enable this idea that wholeness relies upon someone else. While love is integral to our being, it does not only lie within the confines of a romantic relationship. Wholeness, as well as love, is self-made. When we are able to maintain this truth— that we came into this earth as fully whole and capable beings- the search stops for someone or something else to complete us. Time has proven again and again that no amount of external validation, gifts or people will mask how we feel about ourselves internally. A person can love us with everything they have but it will never amount as much to us loving ourselves.

Furthermore, when we sit in our wholeness we are able to accept being alone. Aloneness is not to be confused with loneliness. Loneliness speaks of lack; feeling that something is missing or being incomplete. Very often, loneliness is the feeling that one runs away from when they are in futile search of something external to complete them. Aloneness, however, is maintaining personal individuality, love, presence and being. When one sits in their aloneness, their validation, love, and wholeness come from within- from the acceptance of who they are, the enjoyment of what they like and knowledge of simply being enough. When a person is able to come to this remembering- that they always have been and are whole, then those proceeding relationships come from choice and not a necessity. This means that if someone is not treating us the way we deserve to be treated, we leave. Being alone isn’t a threat to our happiness, not honoring ourselves is. If someone not in alignment with us and our path, we bid them farewell and wish them the best. Life is a journey for each of us so why would we knowingly restrict someone else’s or even our own experience and growth?

Going through the process of nurturing ourselves, sitting in aloneness and embracing our wholeness allows for the most beautiful of relationships to form: the one with ourselves. When a partner does show up—just as whole and loving—one gets to experience a love that is not based on conditions of filling a void but is fulfilling, nurturing and free.

Achieving Wholeness through Self-Care

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Photo by Skitterphoto on Pexels.com

If I was a day of the week, I would definitely be Sunday. Sundays, for many, are days spent in reflection on the past week, communion with God, enjoying time with loved ones or simply sitting in silence. For me, Sunday’s are my self-care days – a full day dedicated to listening and doing whatever it is that I want to do.

Packed with the knowledge that each person will have their own ideas of what self-care actually looks like, how do we define it? Self-care is simply the practice of taking action to improve or preserve one’s health. This can mean physically, mentally or spiritually. Ideally, self-care consists of a combination of all three- nurturing the mind, body, and soul to foster love, kindness, and compassion to oneself. However, self-care also includes more raw details such as holding space for oneself in the midst of stress, pain or grief. Basically, anything that entails leading to a better and healthier you fall under the scope of self-care.

I personally consider myself a self-care connoisseur. I love being relaxed, soothed and peaceful. For me, self-care is essential to my daily life. There are a numerous amount of ways that one can incorporate a self-care day or practice into their daily routine. It all depends on what you believe is best for you. A simple practice that I have been cultivating over the last year or so is simply sitting in silence or meditation at the beginning of my day and asking myself “Jannah, what do you need from me today?” Although it may sound a bit odd, this simple questions allows me to create a space in which I am completely in tune and listening to myself and my own needs. It is very often that we are consumed with doing what others want us to do or even doing things we don’t want to do – but feel we have to. How does our subconscious process this behavior? In the act of listening to others over ourselves, we reinforce this internal idea that we are not as important as the rest of the world. In reality, the world will continue spinning regardless if we take 5-10 minutes to take care of ourselves. Time will not stop. Life will continue to go on. As soon as we are finished, we can return to our tasks, duties, and obligations with our complete and total attention. If we don’t take care of ourselves than who will? In truth, the most important person in this world who is need of love, attentiveness, and care from yourself is YOU. You deserve love, kindness, and compassion. You are enough. Love, embrace and nurture everything that you are – because you deserve it just as much as anyone else. So in the name of self-care ask yourself this very question – “___________, what do you need from me today?” See what answer you come up with. You may just surprise yourself.