Healing as a Community Effort

My Home

One of the biggest core wounds I’ve had to heal is doubting myself. Perhaps, it stems from generational trauma: a burden earned from my identity as a Black Muslim woman in North America. I can remember from the time I began grade school that I had in innate need to excel. And this need was driven by a passion to be accepted, to be validated in ways that perhaps my ancestors could not have for themselves. My mother would constantly remind: “You have to work three times just as hard as the next person. Why? You are black, you are Muslim and you are a woman. You are the most hated thing this country has ever seen but never let that deter you from your destiny.”

Memories like these haunt me as I sit in spaces of people dripping of privilege. While I cannot deny my own privilege (having the means and intellect to read, write and work in well-known and established institutions), I cannot deny the trauma experienced from having my hopes and dreams seemingly mitigated by shields of disadvantage. And believe me: I am not the only one. What say you of those whom have been wrongfully incarcerated; having their rights stripped away? What say you of working-class families, whose parents did not have the opportunity to send their children to private schools, colleges and universities? Or immigrant families, forced from their homes into a spaces where they are unwelcomed, ostracized from society as the “other”. We live in a society that separates us not only by color, but by class through means of mental acuity, physique and economic standing.

For those of us whom are deeply empathetic to the struggles of others, we often ask ourselves “what can I do to help”? Its quite admirable honestly; even with our own innate feelings of unworthiness, we still stand for others. But even this can be a trap. How can one untether themselves from their own trauma through fighting for anothers? I must be candid and ask- who will stand and fight for yours? Nevertheless, it is often through this cyclical cycle of seeking healing externally that God grants us the wisdom to finally be able forgive ourselves in ways that we never could before. Our stories are just stories: a culmination of memories, experiences and perceptions all charged with the task of bringing us to your depths. Of helping us understand ourselves. And perhaps…perhaps through this revelation, one finds the strength to look in the mirror and accept who they see. Beautifully so, as time has proven through hearing each others stories, staring at familiar and unfamiliar faces and images, visiting spaces that reminds of us of home, reflecting on the uniqueness of each of our stories—we somehow find healing.

I don’t claim to know everything, in fact I believe that I barely know anything at all. But what I am sure of is that through seeing the humanity of one another, we build systems of healing. I know that through supporting works derived from intrinsic truths, we project strength that allows for others to stand in their own authenticity. I’ve witnessed how beautifully and intricately interconnected we are to one another and how this connection is proof in a greater Divine being that ties us all together.

We all have healing to do. We have generations of trauma, of withstanding pain, of quietly allowing injustice to breed resentment within our being. From these passions given to us from The One we are called to a higher purpose of embodying the righteous qualities that exists within God Himself. We are called to a higher purpose of breaking illusions–helping one another, being kind, reminding one another who we truly are. We are called to a higher purpose of experiencing this existence. Of experiencing humanness, of experiencing Him. Be sure that your experience is one that is well-worth the journey.

 

Screams from the Silent

office

 

At times I feel meekly paralyzed
Covering my face at the shame of gruesome deeds
If one could perhaps rip the blindfold from their heart
Lay each story onto a scale and measure them
They’d be horrified at the punchlines we’ve been sold;
One man with limbs marred by pavements heat in the scorching summer
Somewhere near 96th Street
Onlookers watch gazes filled of disgust
And I, I disappear into the crowd
Stomach full of lead
Or perhaps the woman with two children
One upright, one decrepit
As she stumbles up and down flights with purse, babe and stroller in hand
Mere seconds from plunging to her demise
But her worry is with is the place she needs to go,
the mouths she need to feed,
the work she must return to
Never mind patrons passing idly along stairs until she trips on the first child,
Another rushing to grasp the falling carriage from her hands
As she tumbles down 8 flights, child firmly clasped to her chest
Woe to these current times—
Profit at the demise of our brothers
Without the means to purchase tombstones for graveyards
While others are sipping from gold plated cups
Until one sees the face of God within themselves
It is hard to see God in the needy man with burnt limbs;
The wailing child dangling from the mother’s arms;
The man on Wall Street stuffing his mouth with gold
I am horrifically guilty—
Wishing for the return of my innocence

 

The Empty

white clouds
Photo by Dorothy Castillo on Pexels.com

Take a moment to empty yourself

Release all identities

All perceptions

Become like a child

Open in its awareness

Curious to what God has to offer it

All that it knows is its knowing

Its seeing

Its hearing

Empty yourself of yourself

Turn to God and seek Him in silence

Immerse yourself in the depths

Cleanse your being

Empty your vessel of all that it cant contain

All that distorts reality

All the is subjective in nature

Turn to nature and seek thyself

Oh, once you empty yourself

You will find God lingering in the containment of your being

Holy Grounds of Symphony

low angle view of silhouette of woman standing near building
Photo by vishnudeep dixit on Pexels.com

As crystal clear as the truth is;

You’d think I’d freely immerse myself in its depths

But I’ve been dancing in a whirlwind of drama for ages,

Eons it seems

Searching for one who’s step is in sync with my own

At first we march to the beat of the drum

Twirl in each others arms

Open up our wings to the sky and set off on our flights

The harshness of the wind causes us to vanish

Feathers scuffled in the freight of the storm

Each time, The One nurtures

Encouraging a new step,

A new dance

Marching once again to the symphony of hearts

Whirling my hips round and round

Enticing, calling, seducing

he watches the dance with a gaze of curiosity

Longing and passion

Meeting me halfway matching each step melodramatically

Praying to capture

To engulf

To possess

Each one circling one another, waiting to pounce

Too soon…we encounter destruction

Jumping off the edge, plunging to equal depths

What good is the dance if it does not end in harmony?

In laughter, in intimacy, in flow

As I float in the earths wetness

Confounded and oh so weary

Salt nurses each wounds to bind

God leads me to the earth

Sets us me up on my knee’s

And whispers “practice makes the moves perfect,

But love makes the dance appreciated

I’ve taught you each step so that they all lead to me;

What other gift need you then this?”

Overcome with arousal for tango’s uncherished

I release all presumption, intending to find my own rhythm

My arms moving,

hips circling,

smile beaming

As the ocean washes up my shoes

Beckoning to begin the dance once again

Accepting Responsibility

choices decision doors doorway
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

You know the saying “with great power comes great responsibility”?

Each person is incarnated into this existence with an ego and a soul. The ego, operates in the form of “I”, which is important because it allows for us to have an experience of the world which is personable. In almost every religious and spiritual view, each person is fully liable and responsible for themselves. This means that each individual has personal accountability for acquiring each of their needs. The ego seeks to fulfill these needs through external means: validation, romantic love, money, fame, etc. This, as many people come to understand, is extremely problematic because external means are fluctuating, fleeting and conditional. For example, people give love at the capacity they are able to love themselves. In almost every instance, to give love to another human being is usually fully dependent on the individuals ability to find beauty, likeness, admiration and thriving “acceptable” traits in another person. This is the meaning of conditional love, which is fully dependent on the ability of the opposite person to fulfill one(or more) of the ego’s needs.

The soul, however, is believed to be derived from God/All That Is. In many Abrahamic religions, God has been said to have blown a piece of his Spirit into man and with that– completed His wonderful creation. Within this context, it is important to comprehend that the soul is whole on its own. It is timeless. It can love unconditionally because it is directly derived from a being whom is limitless and unconditional in His existence. Nevertheless, the only “need” the soul has is to be in connection with God. This need cannot be fulfilled by external means: it’s contentment is found in the acquisition, communion and connection to The One. And because God is everlasting, this wholeness is everlasting as well.

Why is this important? When attempting heal to core wounds, it’s important to fully comprehend their roots. For example, a person who’s experienced childhood abandonment often has a distorted view of fault vs. responsibility. Fault is the belief that you control others and the choices they make. Responsibility is the ability to take accountability independently of others. The ego of a young child experiencing abandonment has not yet matured enough to understand that the actions of others do not serve as reflections of their own worthiness. The ego takes fault and thinks to itself, “Their absence is a result of my doing. I must not be good enough” and experiences feelings of guilt, shame and fear, which confirm its self-imposed suffering. The person then grows up seeking validation from external means in order to prove its worthiness to themselves. But no matter how much validation they receive, it will not heal the core wound of unworthiness.

This story of lack in it itself is an illusion created by the ego. The fact is that no one thinks about you as much as you do. This means that other peoples actions are often self-serving and not a personal attack on another being. The journey of each person is to fight off mental attacks from the psyche and shatter the ego’s illusory perceptions.  This takes time. If a person has been living in the ego’s illusions for years it will often take just as much time to unlearn their beliefs and rewrite their own reality. The wonderful thing about the human mind is that perception is individualistic to each being. While we are not responsible for the actions, ideals and perceptions of others we are responsible for ourselves. With this knowledge can come great relief; that our personal power is not dependable on another persons intrinsic reality—but our own.